Episode 7
by KitsuneRW
Summary: Funny redo of Act 5. I believe it is much better than the original. Well, I think it is. This is for anyone who wants a laugh. (No readers, I am not dead and will update.)


_**STAR WARS**_

_**Episode 7:**_

_**The Return of Obi-Wan**_

_A long time ago, in a galaxy_

_Far, far away--------wait that's_

_the wrong story, rewind._

_yrots gnorw eht s'taht tiaw-------yawa raf, raf yxalag a ni oga emit gnol A._

_I mean, a while ago in Scotland….._

_Scene 1._

_Enter Doctor, wearing an "I love Derry" top hat and Haldir, elf warrior from The Lord of the Rings._

DOCTOR: Hmm, her chart is very peculiar. Man, would you look at it?

HALDIR: I'm alive!

_Takes chart and looks it over. Suddenly an arrow shoots through the room._

_Haldir gets shot._

Oh dear, not again.

_Dies. Yet again._

DOCTOR: Interesting…..very interesting.

_Enter Lady Macbeth, repeating both parts of "Belle" from Beauty and the Beast, with a bow and arrow in her hands._

LADY MACBETH: (LeFou's part) I got it Gaston! Wow! You didn't miss a shot, Gaston! You're the greatest hunter in the whole world!

(Gaston's part) I know.

(LeFou's part) No beast alive stands a chance against you---

_Looks at doctor, wild eyed._

Gaston! My husband! O poor fate which leads the beast Macduff to him.

DOCTOR:…..what?

LADY MACBETH: Okey dokey.

DOCTOR: Incomprehensive…that's….special.

_Lady Macbeth is singing around the room._

LADY MACBETH: Chasing the butterflies! Chasing the butterflies!

_Ghost of Haldir appears_

DOCTOR: Haldir, I know what she needs.

GHOST OF HALDIR: A haircut!

_Doctor was not paying attention, even though he made the statement, and continued to doodle on a piece of paper._

DOCTOR: Huh, what?

_Lady Macbeth pulls out onion rings and throws them in the air._

LADY MACBETH: BLOOD! BLOOD! OYE WITH THE POODLES AGAIN!

DOCTOR: She is, in fact, insane.

_Lady Macbeth blinks, as if coming out of a daze._

LADY MACBETH: Uh….¿Qué pasa? Dum dum dum……Whhhhooooooottttttt….Potatoes are ruined, potatoes are ruined, potatoes are ruined.

GHOST OF HALDIR: So, what do we do now?

DOCTOR: Aren't you dead?

GHOST OF HALDIR: No!

_Ghost disappears._

DOCTOR: My' lady, you need your rest.

_Lady Macbeth clearly isn't paying attention._

DOCTOR: I, uh must…do something.

_Exits quickly._

_Scene 2_

_Enter Menteith, Caithness, Angus, Lennox, and soldiers._

ANGUS: _singing and dancing a song from Chicago._

Come on babe, why don't we take the town.

OTHER SOLDIERS: And all that jazz!

CAITHNESS: Great idea, bull! Let's meet somewhere.

LENNOX: Over the rainbow!

ANGUS: No! We must meet in the forest, because that's what we are supposed to do.

CAITHNESS: Do ba dee dee salami.

MENTEITH: Come! Let's meet Malcolm.

ALL: We're off to see the wizard! The wonderful wizard of Oz!

_Exit skipping._

_Scene 3._

_Enter Doctor, Macbeth, and servants._

MACBETH: Have no fear!

_Does a little spin and changes into a superman costume._

Superman is here!

_Enter Servant._

SERVANT: There are ten thousand.

MACBETH: Soldiers?

SERVANT: No, cows sir. You told me to count them.

MACBETH: Villains! They stole them from us precious! Leave me!

_Paces around room._

Seyton…..Seyton?...SEYTON!

_Enter Seyton._

SEYTON: Whhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaatttttttttttttttttttt?

MACBETH: Slave! Come when I call you! I want to get rid of these Barbies once and for all! I need my armor!

SEYTON: Um….sir it's a little too soon.

MACBETH: You and your pride man! I will put it on! Oh yeah how's my wife?

DOCTOR: She's sleepwalking, and yelling incomprehensive sentences, but with a little work she will be fine.

MACBETH: Erase her memory….to uh clear her mind of….evilness….yes….that makes sense…..make her a fembot!

_Enter more servants with an Elvis costume._

MACBETH: Thank you, thank you very much.

_Scene 4_

REBEL FORCES: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

MALCOLM: My lemons! Men of Scotland, of England, my brothers. I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. An hour of wolves and shattered shields when the world of men comes crashing down, but it is not this day! By all that is good on this earth I bid you, stand, Men of the West!

REBEL FORCES: …..

MALCOLM: ….

Insert scene:

_Scene 4.5_

_At the edge of Birnam Wood, lumberjacks are hard at work cutting down trees for Macbeths new sleigh bed. Suddenly the trees fall and roll up the hill to the castle. Dum dum dum….._

_Scene 5._

_Enter Macbeth, Seyton, and soldiers._

MACBETH: Ah, Smitty, this is toooo easy. We will win! I WILL still BE KING! STICK WITH ME, AND YOU'LL NEVER GO HUNGRY AGAIN!

SOLDIERS: Long live the king Scar! Be prepared!

_A cry of women._

MACBETH: BARNEY! See what that was.

SEYTON: Who sir?

MACBETH: You. Seyton equals Satan equals Barney. It's scientifically proven that Barney is Satan. I'm not lying.

_Barney-I mean Seyton exits._

MACBETH: Hurry back, my valiant steed.

_Seyton returns with a plate of cookies._

SEYTON: Sir, I'm sorry to say that your wife is-

MACBETH: Oo! Cookies! Mine!

_Macbeth eats cookies._

_Enter a messenger._

MESSENGER: Sir! The woods are approaching! Beware! They are attacking the castle!

MACBETH: Uh oh.

SEYTON: Sir, we must stand our ground.

_Macbeth vanished, only to leave a swirl of dust._

SETYON AND MESSENGER: Leftovers!

_Scene 6_

_Enter Macbeth_

MACBETH:…No one is here.

_Enter Young Siward._

YOUNG SIWARD: Who are you?

MACBETH: "Luke, I am your father."

YOUNG SIWARD: What?

MACBETH: You were born of a woman! Die!

_They fight, and Young Siward dies._

MACBETH: Ha hahahahahah Now Hogwarts is mine.

_He exits._

_Enter Macduff, Malcolm and Siward._

_Macduff looks at the body._

MACDUFF: Looks like old Shelobs been having a bit of fun.

MALCOLM: We have won the castle! Peaches will be saved! Macbeth will rule no longer!

_Scene 7_

_Enter Macbeth_

MACBETH: (_checking Rolex and stomping foot) _

_Enter Macduff in a cape and mask, like the Phantom of the Opera_

MACDUFF: Ah ha! I found you! I win, you lose, I win I win, you lose. I win, you lose, I win, I win , you lose.

MACBETH: You will not defeat me!

MACDUFF: Wanna bet?

MACBETH: Why am I your lightning rod of hate?

RUSSEL CROWE: Father to a murdered son. Husband to a murdered wife. And he will have his vengeance, in this life or the next.

_They fight._

MACBETH: No man born of woman shall defeat me!

_Suddenly a figure jumps out of the shadows and stabs Macbeth, mortally wounding him._

MACBETH: What? Impossible? But no man can defeat me?

_Figure takes off helmet. It's Eowyn!_

EOWYN: I am no man!

Epilogue.

_Malcolm becomes king and Scotland is balanced once again. However, evil clones sprung out of no where! What did they do?_

_It turns out that:_

_Obi-Wan Kenobi (the newly returned Ewan McGregor) and the Jedi's flew across the galaxies in order to save the Scottish people. Of course, they won because they are Jedi's. And then they had a whole party were everyone danced and Mel Gibson sang the anthem for Scotland. _

MEL GIBSON: FFFREEEEEDDDDOOOOOMMMM!


End file.
